Contact and connection

*Contact and connection*
MUST READ!!

*It was April 2009. I was returning from Delhi by flight with a monk of the RamaKrishna Mission sitting next to me and a journalist from the US sitting on the third seat. The journalist started interviewing  the monk as planned earlier.*

*Journalist - Sir, in your last lecture, you had told us about Jogajog ( contact ) &  Sanjog ( connection ) It's really confusing. Can you explain ?*

*The Monk smiled and apparently deviating from the question asked the journalist: Are you from New York ?*
Journalist - Yeah...
Monk - Who are there at home ?
The Journalist felt that the  Monk was trying to avoid answering his question, since this was a very personal and unwarranted question. Yet the  journalist  said: "Mother has expired. Father is there. Three brothers and one sister. All married..."
The Monk, with a smile on his face, asked again: - "Do you talk to your father ?"
The journalist looked visibly annoyed...
The Monk  - "When did you talk to him last ?"
The journalist, supressing his annoyance said: "May be a month ago."
The Monk: "Do you brothers and sisters meet often ? When did you meet last as a family gathering ?"

*At this point, I saw  sweat on the forehead of the journalist. I wondered who was conducting the interview, the Monk or the Journalist. It seemed that the Monk was interviewing the Journalist.*

With a sigh, the Journalist said: "We met last at Christmas two  years ago."
The Monk: " How many days did you all stay together ?"

The Journalist (wiping the sweat on his brow) said : "Three days..."
Monk: "How much time did you spend with your Father, sitting right beside him ?"
I saw the journalist looking  perplexed and embarassed and scribbling something on a paper...
*The Monk: "Did you have breakfast, lunch or dinner together ? Did you ask how he was? Did you ask how his days are passing after your mother's death ?"*
I saw drops of tears coming out from the eyes of the journalist...

*The Monk held the hand of the journalist and said: "Don't be embrassed, upset or sad. I am sorry if I have hurt you unknowingly...*
But this is basically the answer to your question about "contact and connection (jogajog and Sanjog)".  You have 'contact'  with your father but you don't have 'connection' with him. You are not connected to him. Connection is between heart and heart... sitting together, sharing meals and caring for each other ; touching, shaking hands, having eye contact,  spending some time together... *You  brothers and sisters have 'contact'  but you have no  'connection' with each other...."*

The journalist wiped his eyes and said : "Thanks for teaching me a fine and unforgettable lesson"

*This is the reality today. Whether at home or in the society everybody has lots of contacts but there is no connection.* No communication... *Everybody are in his or her own world.*

*Let us not maintain just "contacts" but let us remain "connected" ; caring, sharing and spending time with all our near & dear ones...*

*Who knows, kisiki kal ho Na ho*
                 *****

Attachment in Detachment

*Attachment in Detachment----*
*Written by Sudha* *Murthy,  wife of* *Narayan* *Murthy.....Worth reading......* 👌👌

"When my daughter, the older of my two, wed and left home, I felt a part of me gone.

With a daughter and a son, I know what both mean, differently.

When she was in her teens I felt as if she was my "physical extension" !

So when she left home to set up her own, I felt I lost a limb.

Next time she came to stay with us, I was astonished how her priorities had changed.

We too must've given the same shocks to our own parents !

When she said Amma,
she meant her mother-in-law, not me!

I felt she was always in a hurry to go back to her house and not stay with me for a few more days.

That was the first time, it dawned on me that I have to start practising detachment with attachment.

Two years after my daughter’s marriage, my son left for higher studies to US.

Having experienced a child's separation once, I was better equipped emotionally.

I plunged head long into various classes held in the city starting from vedanta to healing to ikebana -
I just wanted to be away from home..since my husband was a 24/7 workaholic.

My son used to write how he was missing my home cooked food, how he was waiting to come back to live in Chennai with us ...

After a few years, he did come back and we got him married.

He started living separately with his wife and we were also happy that they wanted to be independant from the beginning...

But now, it was all changed !

When in the U S, he missed my cooking, now if I called him to come over with his wife for a meal, it was always some excuse like "oh, amma, we have other plans for the day, please don't mistake us if we don't drop in today" !

I could see that his priorities had also changed completely..

We talk so many things and give so much advice to others, but when it comes to our own children, acceptance comes very late. Our next step is to just leave them undisturbed
in every way.

It was at that time, that I made the following, my 'new profile'.

In all my relationships , rather interactions, I give my best and do my best to live up to what I say.

My attachment with them is complete.

However, I remain detached in the sense that *I do not expect them to reciprocate my affection.*

Most importantly, I make a conscious effort , *not to interfere or pass judgements* on the lives they choose to lead.

My *concern for my near and dear ones will not fade with my detachment.*

If you let go of the ones you love, they will never go away –
this is the *beauty of attachment with detachment !*

I have learnt to love and let go.

This dictum has developed tolerance in me.

When *I let the people live the* *way they want to, I learn to accept* *them for what they are.*

Most importantly ,
I learn to tolerate the world around me and this tolerance brings in me a sense of peace and contentment.

Since both my children live in Chennai, I follow this very strictly, you know why !

Now *I have realised that we start growing* *mentally much more only after the children leave the house* and we have to tackle the emotional vacuum, that arises, along with age-related problems .

I specially dedicate this post to my  friends, who are  totally  dependant  on their  children's lives, to nurture their  own  selves  emotionally.

Please develop your  own  intersts, hobbies  etc, however mundane they  seem to be..

We must learn
*To love whatever  we  do instead of doing whatever we love !!"*
🍀🍀🍀🍀

કે વરસાદના નામ પર

અહીં મેં પ્રથમ મેઘને વ્યથા સંભળાવી લીધી
અને ત્યાં પ્રિયાએ તરત તાડપત્રી લગાવી લીધી

નયન જો ગમે તો નયન, હ્રદય જો ગમે તો હ્રદય
હવાફેર માટે તને જગા બે બતાવી દીધી

એ તો હસ્તરેખાઓનું નસીબ જોર કરતું હશે
હથેળીમાં લઈ એમણે હથેલી દબાવી લીધી

કોઈ પ્હેરી કંકણ ફરે, કોઈ કુંડળોને ધરે
અમે કંઠી વરસાદની ગળામાં સરાવી લીધી

કે વરસાદના નામ પર તો કૈં કૈં અડપલા થયાં
નદીએ વગર હકની જમીનો દબાવી લીધી

બે આંખોના ગલ્લા ઉપર ધસારો થયો દૃશ્યનો
વરસભરની આવક જુઓ, પલકમાં કમાવી લીધી

આ વરસાદમાં જાતનું થવાનું હતું, તે થયું
જરા ઓગળી ગઈ અને વધી તે વહાવી લીધી

પરોઢે કૂણા તાપને, મળ્યા આપ તો આપને
પહેલું મળ્યું એને મેં ગઝલ સંભળાવી લીધી

–  *ઉદયન ઠક્કર*